My husband and I were both in the ER twice at the same time. I refused the Covid test and was given antibiotics for my pneumonia. Eric was in a different ER bed and saw a different doctor. Even though Eric also had pneumonia, he wasn’t given antibiotics and when we discussed our different care at home, we couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t given antibiotics. We figured that my pneumonia must be worse but we weren’t sure.

While at home, my oxygen went up and Eric’s went down. We rushed him to the ER when we couldn’t get it above 70%. I almost passed out at the ER so they took me to a bed too. They said he needed to be transferred to a hospital in Provo that had an ICU. I said I didn’t want him going because I didn’t trust the Covid protocols. I said I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to advocate for him or be allowed in the ICU because they put on my chart that I had Covid pneumonia. They lied and said I could stay with him in the ICU and they lied and said they would get my permission before giving him any medication or treatments.

I signed the transfer paperwork and went home to get ready to drive to Provo. I called the ICU to let them know I was on my way. They said I couldn’t enter the hospital because I had Covid. First lie. I continually called for updates and was given almost no information… second lie. Eric sent a few texts saying he was responding well to treatments and should be allowed home in 2 weeks. I then get a phone call from the ICU doctor saying Eric was getting worse and they need to vent him immediately but he refuses until he can see me. So, Eric found a way to get me there. They said he’s pretty healthy but his lungs and body need to rest and intubation will allow his body to rest and heal.

I arrive in the ICU. I’m very sick at this point and can barely walk or talk. The doctors come in and say I have to leave the room while they vent him. When the doctors are done, they come into the hall and tell me to leave. They said I was putting everyone’s lives at risk because I have Covid. They get a wheelchair and take me to the ER and tell the ER that I need to be seen for covid. When those doctors leave and they try to take me into the ER, I got out of the wheelchair and sat on a bench outside in the freezing air trying to figure out what to do next. I decide to go back to the ICU and push the issue. They decide to let me stay but I am told not to talk to anyone or let anyone know I am sick. They just pretended I wasn’t there.

At one point my portable oxygen tank ran out and the only way I could get another was by going downstairs to the ER. I reluctantly go. They again want to test me for Covid but I refuse. I tell them I have already been diagnosed with pneumonia from another ER and they can request the X-rays. I tell them that I just want a breathing treatment and new oxygen. They leave me for hours as I am gasping to breathe. They say those breathing treatments can only be given to Covid patients. So, I have been diagnosed with pneumonia but they can’t help me unless I’m tested? Yep. At this point, I tell them I’m just going to leave and go be with my husband upstairs who is in the ICU dying.

They look at me in shock and leave again. They then decide to give me the breathing treatment but tell me I might need to be intubated too. At this point, I know that they are killing my husband so I refuse anything else. I am wheeled back up to the ICU by a very kind nurse that tells me not to talk to anyone. He says that I shouldn’t be allowed in the hospital and goes in a back way. I didn’t realize that when they vented Eric, they would put him in a medical coma so I had no way of communicating with him. At this time, they are adding more and more meds. Eric is hooked up to dozens of bags. We had refused remdesivir because we knew it was lethal.

I decided to test the doctor and ask what he felt about remdesivir. He said it was a great drug and helped a lot of Covid patients. I then knew that my husband was a dead man. If this doctor is willing to lie about remdesivir, I knew he had no soul and was not saving my husband. I asked if they had given it to my husband and he said no, he had refused. I need to get his medical records and find out for sure.

By that night, I can see that Eric is dying… not resting. A day after they vented Eric, he had zero urine output, he had massive organ failure and his pupils barely responded to light. He also had a temperature of 104 and put ice packs all over his body including in his genital area. I was praying to God that he couldn’t feel that. I think on Day 3 of being intubated I got a call from the doctor. I was staying at a local hotel because I was too sick for the 2-hour drive home. The previous night I was awake all night having an 8-hour panic attack. My heart rate was through the roof and I felt like I was literally drowning. It was horrifying as I knew I couldn’t ask for help.

The doctor told me he had declined significantly overnight and that I needed to consider ending care. I was so sick myself that I could not advocate for my husband. I needed help but knew if I tried to get the medical help I would end up on a vent like my husband. I agreed for them to end care. They were torturing his body and there wasn’t anything that I could do about it. A doctor from out of state called me and said I could save his life but I would have to fight the doctors to give him the care that he was suggesting. It was a brutal conversation because I couldn’t fight for him. I was barely alive myself. They removed the vent and he died within minutes. I now wish that I had died too.