Clare and I took an at home PCR test on December 19, 2021, since we had both been exposed to someone who was ill and were not feeling well ourselves. We both tested positive. My symptoms were milder than Clare’s. By December 19 his temperature was rising, his oxygen levels were going down and he was sleeping all the time. I called the doctor’s office on the 20th and was told to watch his oxygen levels and temperature and if his oxygen levels dropped to 85-87 and his temperature rose above 103F to call an ambulance.

On December 23, Clare did not respond to me talking to him and his temperature was over 103F, oxygen level was at 85. He lost control of his bladder and did not comprehend instructions. Our daughter called an ambulance.  The first thing we were asked was our vaccination status. When the medic found out we were unvaccinated he muttered something under his breath and rolled his eyes. The medics did not want to bring the stretcher into our home even though our hallway was wide enough to accommodate it. They carried Clare out to a stretcher parked on our walkway. It was a cold, drizzly and windy day. Clare was dressed in a shirt, underwear and socks. He was left uncovered and when we asked if they could put a blanket on him, we were told that it was good for him to be left exposed since he had a fever. The medic was trying to get Clare to put his knees down, but Clare was not understanding. We heard him yell at Clare from inside the house.

A second ambulance came for me, but I refused to go.  They said they had to check my vitals. Again, they refused to bring their equipment into the house. A stretcher was set up on our walkway and my vitals were checked outside in cold, drizzly, windy conditions. Yet, after that the medic asked if she could come into the house to do her computer work.

We were not allowed to go to the hospital with Clare. Our daughter requested every day to be allowed to stay with her dad but was refused each time. She had natural immunity since she had Covid in October of 2021. We were told no one could be with him until he tested negative for Covid.

We had to call several times a day to find out about Clare’s condition. No patient advocate was available. Our own doctor, who is also an ER doctor,  only talked to me when we called her about my care. We were only partially informed of all the medications he was being given. We had a once-a-day FaceTime with Clare but could never talk openly since a staff member was always present. Clare expressed concern about his treatment and was frustrated about the care he was receiving. He wanted to leave. We did consider bringing him home but knew that would be contested. Our son in law approached the Police Chief, asking him to give us a bit of time should a call come in that family was attempting to sign out Clare.  Even though he was asked to help a retired fellow officer, the chief of police would not consider helping us. We understand the pressure he faced but still were deeply disappointed.

On Dec. 24 Clare sent us a text to call him. He was very upset. He had been asked to prone, which he agreed to, but asked the nurse to please help him use the bathroom beforehand.  It had been over two hours since that request and no one had helped him use the bathroom yet. Keep in mind that he was in the ICU at that time. While we were Face Timing him a nurse rushed into the room saying his oxygen levels were dropping really fast and they would have to put a second mask on him. The following day, Dec. 25, we Face Timed Clare again, he was very alert and coherent, talked and prayed with us like he normally would yet later that day, a doctor called us to say that Clare needed to be intubated. He had talked to Clare, but Clare had refused intubation. He wanted us to persuade him to agree to being put on a ventilator. I told him that we had researched the use of ventilators and had decided against being intubated. I asked him to please try using Ivermectin and he became irate and basically hung up on us. I did manage to tell him not to intubate Clare unless he talked to me again first. The following day we received a call that Clare had been put on a ventilator.

We never were able to consult  with a doctor during Clare’s stay in the hospital. The only time we talked to a doctor was on December 25. This doctor had talked to Clare about being intubated and Clare had said no. He wanted us to convince Clare to be intubated. When I asked him to try Ivermectin or similar medications instead, he became irate and basically hung up on us.

The next few days were a roller coaster of emotions… one day his numbers would be ok and the next not. We were given little to no information. Often when we called to see how Clare was doing no one was available to talk to us.

Early in the morning of December 30, our daughter received a call to tell her that her dad was dying. When she asked if we could go to be with him, she was told no. We decided to go to the hospital anyway and after much arguing back and forth they finally allowed our daughter and myself to go be with Clare.  The rest of the family had to wait outside of the hospital. One daughter was basically chased out of the foyer even though she informed the security guard that her dad was dying, and she was waiting to see him. Keep in mind, that two of our children were fully vaxed. Even they were not allowed in the hospital at first.

I have a tendency to get lightheaded and faint when in very stressful situations. That occurred when we were with Clare. Rather than listening to us explaining that this was pretty normal for me, the staff called a Code Blue and I was taken to the ER for tests. I begged the staff there and the manager to let me go back to be with Clare but was told it was against Medical Advice to do so.

Meantime, our children were asking the manager to allow one of them to be with me at this awful time. At first that request was refused. Then they graciously allowed one of our kids to be with me with the stipulation that if they were to go see their dad, they would not be allowed to return to be with me. The lack of care and compassion here is still incredible to me. When they finally allowed me to go to Clare’s room, he had already died. The pain of that is still raw to this day.

I had to double mask to go into Clare’s room. The nurses’ station was right outside of his room and while we were saying our goodbyes the nurses were joking and laughing just outside. I know they experience death often, but the lack of respect and compassion still shocks me. Our daughter, realizing I had had nothing to eat and drink the whole day, asked the nurses for a glass of water for her mom, but was refused.

It was not until I obtained Clare’s health records that my suspicion that something had gone awfully wrong were confirmed. Several things stand out: he was not given antibiotics for his pneumonia; they saw signs of sepsis yet never treated him for that; he developed acidosis and was  not treated for that either; he was given Tocilizumab on December 25 even though that was a very good day for him; two doses of antibiotics were administered about three hours before he died; the investigative team that initially looked into this case for me said they had never seen such high doses of Fentanyl and Midazolam being given. I had four doctors review his health records separately and all concluded that the normal procedures were not followed in Clare’s case. They all believe that had Clare been treated with proper and timely medications he should have walked out of the hospital within a week of his being admitted. Dr. Trozzi, one of the doctors who reviewed Clare’s records personally called me and said that he believed that Clare was murdered. Our family has been traumatized by all that has happened.  It’s been almost 2.5 years and we still struggle with the fact that the man we so dearly loved was actually killed by the very people we trusted to fight for his life.