My husband Ray and I were married thirty-one happy years,  but that all changed when Copiah County Medical Center in Hazlehurst and Kings Daughters Medical Center in Brookhaven Mississippi each chose to treat Ray with the wrong medications when he came down with Covid. We were aware of what the hospitals were doing, so before the EMTs transported Ray, I wrote on both his forearms with a black sharpie, NO VENT NO REMDESIVIR, along with my name and phone#. We did not want to go to the hospital but before we even knew he was sick, his oxygen saturation got down to a very dangerous 67, and we had no choice. I had given him Tylenol for 101* fever on Saturday, 100* on Sunday, and 99* that Monday morning, and decided that we would see the doctor the next day. I had called to get him some monoclonal antibodies a week earlier when I got mine, and the nurse told me to bring him the next day, and even tho he wasn’t sick, his age and exposure to my light symptoms 2 weeks earlier qualified him. So the next day I called for his appt, and the pharmacist told me they were already out again, and it would be a week before they got more.

That was the weekend he got the low-grade fever, which we controlled with Tylenol. So this was leading up to our trip home from our camp house to see our local doctor the next day, and finding his super-low O2 level. After arriving at our home, the EMT said his lungs sounded find but that he might want to go to the local ER for a CXR, a little O2 supplement and some antibiotics. This small hospital at that time wasn’t really keeping covid patients, but sending them on back home after a short intervention in the ER, so we agreed to go. They made me wait in the car while the doctor examined him, and when Ray called me so I could hear the doctor’s diagnosis, I was never so surprised as to hear him say Ray had bilateral Covid pneumonia and a strep infection. I would’ve thought that combination of infections would have caused him to have a high-grade fever! So, he said he needed to be admitted, and i asked if I could come pick him up after just one night, to which he tartly replied with a short “haha” – “Oh no, he’s going to be here for quite some time!!!”

Ray had been vaccinated with the 1-shot J&J a year earlier, but that never entered my mind; He must’ve been asked if he was vaxxed because his med recs there stated he was vaxed, yet later, his medrecs (at the second hospital) reflected that he wasn’t vaxxed-so I can only assume that they just decided he must not be because I was asking the docs at both hospitals to continue his 72mg ivermectin which I gave him that night before he left. (FLCCC protocol for early treatment) plus, he was already taking a prophylactic dose at home, along with Vits C&D, Zinc, and Quercitin. Of course, both hospitals said “NO, that is not in our protocol” to which I asked, What IS your protocol then? “REMDESIVIR” … I said NO…that kills people…I thought we had made it clear, and that our wishes would be respected. Silly me. The next morning I spoke to the local physician on duty, a partner with our own vaxed and boosted doctor, who ironically was at home with Covid pneumonia himself. Dr Hankins gave me permission to stay with Ray on the covid unit, so I quickly packed my bags for the week and got there while he was eating breakfast. His oxygen rebreather was off and his nasal cannula was in place while he ate, and he seemed to be fine that point. I had taken him another dose of ivermectin, and told him I had it, but circumstances led to me never getting the opportunity to sneak it to him, regrettably.

In the meantime, I called local Dr John Witcher of FLCCC to help me get him on the right treatment, but the hospital kept refusing to administer ivermectin, plus he told me under NO circumstances should i allow them to give him ANY more anti-anxiety or pain meds. The mask really bothered Ray since he was claustrophobic, and he kept taking it off and on. His O2 would drop a little bit down to the high 80’s, but then go right back up into the acceptable 90’s as I watched closely. Dr Witcher had previously been one of the ER staff physicians there, so the nurses knew him very well, and when from my phone he would try to get them to have the doctor on duty do one thing or another to help Ray, one nurse would smile and agree, but the other nazi-nurse would glare at him and tell him she did NOT take orders from him! He tried so hard to help us, but as the day progressed, Ray’s behavior devolved more and more into that of a dementia patient (which I observed in my own mother), so I knew something was going badly wrong. He became easily provoked, argumentative, and finally belligerent. By probably 5 pm, we had had 3 potty chair accidents and they diapered him, which he would’ve never stood for, had he been lucid. The nurses would try to calm him and turn out the lights and tell him to sleep and me to be quiet, and as soon as the door shut he’d jump up and start trying to climb over the bed rails. Finally, the last time the nurses tried to calm him, he was thrashing so hard that one of them ran into the hallway and yelled out, “code strong man!!!” and the room filled up with nurses, doctors and aides to get him under control. Standing beside his head, I watched his lips and tongue turn black, and I asked what was happening, with no answer. I sat down and tried to take a picture of him and all the people and was instantly screamed at to leave the room, which I did….next thing I know I hear a huge booming voice calling my name….MRS LAMAR! MRS LAMAR!!!! I step back in and he screams at me again, IS HE A DNR??? You have written in his arm, “NO VENT!” So is he a DNR, because he’s dying! He’s gonna die right in front of you right now if you don’t change it! Do you want to see him die???

Of course, knowing that he didn’t want to go in a ventilator made the decision hard, but wanting to save his life, I agreed and signed the permission sheet. I heard the nurse telling the doctor that she just gave him a SECOND 1-ml dose of atavan during all that, so I don’t know if he’d gotten it before his mouth turned black or not. (I haven’t searched his records for anything other than the Remdesivir,) but I plan to do that at some point in the future. Anyway, he calmed down, they left the room to prepare for him to be intubated, and thru my tears and with a broken heart, I went to him, lifted his chin so I could look into his eyes and tell him how very much I loved him. He said he loved me too, and tried to kiss me thru the plastic O2 mask, and I leaned over and kissed him thru plastic as I looked into his beautiful blue eyes for the last time in our earthly lives…in less than 24 hours from being admitted thru the ER, he was placed on a ventilator, which we swore to each other would never happen, yet here we were… From there he was life-flighted 20 miles away to the ICU at Kings Daughters Hospital in Brookhaven.

I spoke to the nurse checking him in just past midnight, Jan 25th, and told her I wanted him put on ivermectin ASAP. She said we don’t do that here! So what DO you do??? We use REMDESIVIR  – NOT ON MY HUSBAND YOU WONT! It’s on the front of the chart that was transferred with him! WHY??? BECAUSE IT KILLS PEOPLE!!! Well that’s not been my experience…Well fine – just be sure he doesn’t get it!!! Unlike so many other horror stories, the nurses were great in this ICU unit, answering all my questions twice a day, and explaining daily routines. The doctors (2) refused the use of ivermectin almost scoffing at my request. I gave the head ICU nurse a copy of the flccc protocol for intubated patients, to which he exclaimed, “This is great information! I can’t promise they will listen to me, but I will press the issue!” I remember feeling hopeful for the first time. Needless to say, they refused, but at least a door was opened to them to learn these new and effective methods. The first doctor also wasn’t tending to his high glucose levels, so I had to raise my voice to the nurses, that we all knew he couldn’t get well with numbers that high, and that SOMEBODY better be taking care of it! They blamed it on the steroids, but the children’s dose he was receiving wasn’t the problem-they weren’t even giving him a dose equal to his home dosage, and his glucose stayed in the high 200’s to 300’s that whole first week. Finally the second week they addressed it and got it back down, but then it kept plummeting too low. That is due, I now believe, to the failure of his kidneys, and of his pancreas, which controls glucose levels.

They had to start dialysis on him on Wed, Feb 2, and with that, the nurse explained that his ventilator progress up to that point would have to be “stalled.” No explanation. On Saturday night, Feb 5th, the hospital called and said I needed to get there asap, that his heart rate and bp were dropping significantly. They had given him some epinephrine and asked me about a bolus, to which I agreed, as i contacted my boys and flew 30 miles to the hospital. We got there, all masked and gloved, all our family standing there in disbelief, trying to make sense of a senseless situation, and couldn’t seem to grasp what was happening. We held hands and I prayed; we talked to him, and throughout our 3 hours with him, his numbers began to climb, and stabilize, which was a response to our voices, expressions of love, and a testament of his will to live! The very idea of isolating patients from their families when they need them most, is an inhumane, cruel, unnecessary, shameful, tragic thing to do, and I imagine has probably contributed greatly to the suffering and misery these patients have undergone, without an advocate present to make certain that they are cared for, even given water and nutrition!

Well, so the nurse let me stay in the waiting room that night, in case any more episodes occurred, but nothing more happened. I was then miraculously allowed to begin daily visits that Sunday afternoon, Feb 6th, and i was so grateful for that one hour a day! On Monday afternoon, I talked to the second icu doctor, and begged and badgered and shamed him into at LEAST increasing his small steroid dose up to flccc recommended dosage, and I just knew it would be helpful. Plus, Dr Witcher had me apply ivermectin horse paste (lotion) to the soles of Ray’s feet at each visit, so then I was really hopeful that he would begin to get better. On Tuesday, when I got to his door, I literally did not recognize him, and I knew something was wrong. I spent that last hour with him, rubbing the “lotion” into his feet, and putting other lotion on his legs chi’s arms and hands. We were listening to our usual Gaither Gospel pandora station, and I was singing as I cleaned his face, got the crusty medicine out of his nostrils, smoothed his hair back with the wash cloth, and of course telling him how much I loved him, when I saw a huge tear slip from his eyelid, and I lost it…I changed the music to our “falling in love” song, “Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?” by Van Morrison,,, I held his hand up to my chin, and I sang to him every word, and the tears rolled out of my eyes too….that sweet nurse waited until the song was over before she came in, and said she had nursing to do, to get me a kiss and that she’d see me tomorrow….

After my visit, I gave the head nurse and both icu doctors complete copies of the FLCCC protocol but it was never implemented. I wrote them letters thanking them for taking care of Ray, trying to stay on their good side, while suggesting that maybe they could help other patients who came in after us. Ray had normal functioning kidneys when he went in, but after a few days in the hospital his kidneys start to fail and he had an internal bleed, classic signs of the toxic drug remdesivir. I knew that because the had to stop his blood thinner, which he needed for his artificial mitral valve. The nurse had said his “prothrombin time was prolonged” which translated into “his blood was too thin – he was bleeding” ….the final remdesivir blow was “ventricular tachycardia.” My precious sweet man…His Angel carried him Home as I lay praying for him at 5:00 am, Feb 9, 2022.

I have checked medical records at the initial hospital where the attending physician noted that the patient refused remdesivir and would not he given remdesivir. However, his Medicare billing statement had an unusually expensive charge from the ER,

found in the billing codes, the number for Remdesivir, which they simply named “another drug” in the charts. Another drug that sent my trusting husband straight into the arms of Jesus in 14 days.

GOD WILL GET THEM……