Bernie got sick around 11/20/2021.  He had gone deer hunting that day, and our son and his wife come over on that weekend, and we played cards and enjoyed sharing life together.  That evening Bernie said, “I don’t feel the best.”

The next day he decided not to go out deer hunting. Usually, nothing stops him from that!!  So the next week, he just laid around and felt just not right. My son and his wife left on day before Thanksgiving.  Towards the weekend, Bernie started running a fever and could hardly stand up. I called my son and his wife to stop by that Sunday on their way back through, because I was really getting concerned about Bernie.

We had heard about the hospitals and Dr.  By then and didn’t want to go in. They stopped and on Monday, Sandra took Bernie to EE because his breathing was starting to become a little low, and we figured he was dehydrated.  I was sick by then, so I couldn’t go with them.  My daughter in law is an RN so I was so thankful she was with Bernie.

They insisted on a Covid test because they wouldn’t treat him without one.  They took x-rays, I think, and said he had Covid and bacterial pneumonia. The doctor wouldn’t give Bernie anything because he said Aspirus Tonahawk wasn’t a Covid hospital.  Sandra held her ground, and insisted he give him antibiotics of some kind because they wouldn’t give ivermectin.  He wasn’t gonna but she fought until he did. And they gave him oxygen.

We did go get that tube of ivermectin from WalMart, Because of me having Covid too, I’m not sure how much I gave either one of before my son got back there.   I had fog brain.

We heard of a clinic in Medford, Wisconsin, that gave people ivermectin and other good meds. I called there, and they had no openings.  I told them he wasn’t doing good and if anything opened up to please call us.  They did a couple hours later.  My son Randy and his wife took him to Medford.  By the time he got there the oxygen had run out, and his oxygen was low 70’s.  They told them they had to take him immediately to the WE and they told them they could trust the hospital.

In the ER they treated him good. My son was with him in there for most of the night while my daughter in law had to sit in the car.  I was home praying like crazy. God had given me a dream about two (2) months earlier, which I won’t get into here, but the dream told me Bernie would be fine. ,Well that didn’t happen because of man’s freewill. When I interview I can share what I mean by that.

They didn’t like that Bernie wasn’t vaccinated and wanted to give him Remdesivir,  and he said, “Absolutely not.”  Which they didn’t like. They told my son he would have to leave after ER because they didn’t allow visitors in the Covid floor.  Hospital called, and we called them in the next few days, and they told us and Bernie he was going to die.  Every time the hospital called it was a nightmare. There was no hope. We were so confused and scared. Bernie said he would not go in that oxygen tube, can’t remember the name of it right now.

I believe on  December 5th, they said we could come to the hospital to say good bye to Bernie. Which we did, but not to say good bye, but to pray with him and tell him to keep fighting because he was gonna make it.  He was in ICU yet at that time. Then on the 7th, we asked if we could come.  Ask to say our good byes again and they let us.  We stayed with him that whole afternoon, and that was the the day the took him out of ICU, and put him in a room to die.

We couldn’t figure out what the heck was happening. They didn’t like any questions asked.  When we left the hospital each time, they would call us on our way home and tell us how they had this long talk with Bernie, and they were very concerned he would have a heart attack and want a thing where you didn’t bring him back [DNR].  We were so shocked and didn’t even know what to do because of how they described how they would most likely break ribs pushing on his chest, and he could become like in a vegetable state for the rest of his life and on and on. Out of fear we said don’t resuscitate.  We look back now and see how they knew just when to call when we were the most vulnerable by just leaving the hospital. They never discussed anything with us there or with Bernie while we were there except the first time with going on that ventilator.

Well,  we knew where all the stuff we had to put on to get in his room because of going and seeing him. So the next day, my son and I went to the hospital (we lived about an hour away), and just went to where he was, like we were suppose to be there, and put the clothes and mask in to get into his room.  Of course, the nurse or doctor (not sure what they were) must of noticed us and a few minutes later came in and said if his oxygen doesn’t go up and his heart beat comes down, we are removing his oxygen tomorrow morning.  We had no say.  At one point, Bernie was in there listening.

We tried to get him moved to Madison, WI, and they said they didn’t have an ambulance available, and that he wouldn’t get any treatment there because they would give it to younger people that were sick.  Bernie was 79, BUT he was a logger and worked right up to the time he went into the hospital.

They told us they were taking the oxygen off right in front of Bernie, and when we got his medical records there was a conversation they put in his records that stated he wanted to keep fighting, and he knew if they took the oxygen off he would die.  My heart broke when I read that. He knew that they were going to take his life.

My son and I sat on each side of the bed all day on the 8th, and throughout the night watching those machines to show improvement. In the middle of the night, they shut the machine off because the alarms were going off.  We didn’t know at that time they were giving him meds to make it impossible for his body to what they were asking, and so did the doctor and nurses.

We sat there holding his hands encouraging him and telling how much we loved him.  Our granddaughter called and told him how much she loved and honored his faith in Jesus, and because of him she came to know Him as her Savior too.  At about 4 a.m. that morning, I went to the bathroom and while I was in there Bernie told Randy for him and my other son to take good care of me. When Randy told me that in our way home after Bernie died, my heart broke knowing he laid there knowing he was going to be forced to leave us soon.

They came in around 9:39 a.m. and then a little while later and kept putting these 3 shots into his IV.  At about 10 a.m., or so they came and removed his oxygen in front of me, and my son and Bernie did not have a calm death.  It was horrible.  And then there was silence. He was gone.

Married almost 56 years. I was 18 when we married.  Bernie was and is definitely the love of my life.  He was so kind.  Always put himself last.  He worked so hard for our family and loved our sons and our 4 grandkids with all his heart.  He never missed any of their school events or any of the sporting events they were in during college, and after we celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary and renewed our vows.  Our Pastor interviewed us for the sermon part of the celebration, and we shared how we met and what we learned about making it through the years, and advice we would give young couples.  Our kids and grandkids laughed a lot and had some surprises to know we were young once, too. Lol.  It was so much fun.  Our song was, “Can I Have This Dance,” by Anne Murray.

Around the 3rd month Bernie was gone; thoughts started coming into my head.  I would call my son and ask him, “Did this happen at the hospital?”  He would say yes or think about it and call me back and said yes.  I told him something is very wrong here.  Dad was murdered. It seems impossible that we didn’t know that when it was happening, but you’re in a world you can’t even describe.  When we put it all together there was no doubt in our mind.  Then I started meeting others and on Facebook, “C19-Widow/Widowers That want Justice”  – people who lost their loved ones.

So here we are today. The longer it goes on, the more I miss him and the trauma seems worse.  I do know this about the dream God gave me that I had mentioned.  Jesus was in that room the day they took Bernie’s life and it was not God’s will.  The Holy Spirit was right there trying to get them to do what was right and not take Bernie’s life, but they chose their jobs with hospital protocols and money over Bernie’s life.  The Lord gave me these thoughts, “I am Sovereign, Geri, and I gave man freewill, and I cannot control the choice they make even when innocent people die.”  Then the thoughts came to me about all the abortions or when a child is used for sex trafficking and that’s man freewill, and because God set up His sovereign plan many innocent precious people are hurt and yes, sometimes murdered.  Like my Bernie.