I took my husband to emergency  on September 12, 2021.  He said he just didn’t feel good, dizziness and tired.  I was worried it was his heart because he had several stents placed years earlier. When we went in they took him back and wouldn’t let me go back. They said that they were checking for covid first.  He came back positive and they said I could not go back to see him. I had to leave.

My husband (Mike) was alone. He didn’t know I couldn’t come in with him. I got a call from my husband and he was wondering where I was. He wanted me there with him, but they would not let me in at all. I did not get a call from doctor. However, I work in ICU in this hospital and got someone to get the doctor to call me. When the doctor called he said something about remdesivir. I told him I did not want Mike to get that medication please. I had done research and noticed it was killing people.  It destroys the kidney and liver quick.

He said he would not give it to him. Mike was being admitted to a medical floor, they were giving fluids, and steroids.  I knew Mike would be alone with nobody to care for him.  During the beginning of the pandemic I worked the ICU. People were put in rooms with doors shut and most of nurses just run in out quickly. Too afraid I feel. Some of us truly work hard. No-one questioned anything about medications or paid attention. So people are left in rooms struggling and alone.

When Mike was moved upstairs into his room still nobody called me to tell me anything.  He was sleeping a lot and I tried 5 times to call nurses but I kept getting the run around.  I had a friend of mine go check on Mike for me a few times.  Eventually, Mike was having a hard time breathing and was using the bipap. This made it harder for us to communicate. They moved him to the ICU.  After a couple of days the doctor finally called me at 1130 at night. I have known this doctor for 20 years. I worked next to him. He said he wanted to send Mike to a hospital where he could get ecmo.  This took a couple days but in the mean time I found out they put him on remdesivir. I had told them not to give this to him.

I requested ivermectin several times. My friends and son also called and requested the same. But we got the same recorded words it’s “not protocol”. I was so distraught and I begged every day to see him. There was nobody there to advocate and look out for him. I did not know what to do. Me and our kids went to the hospital and begged to go in. But that was a big no.  We stood outside his window praying for him.  I talk with my boss in charge of ICU and told her I need to talk with Mike about what he wants as far as end of life issues. This was the only way they would let me in to see him.  While I was with Mike they got him a room at the other hospital. So I stayed till they took him.

Mike told me if he did end up on a ventilator to only do for 5 days if he wasn’t getting any better. When he got there he was still on the bipap. Doctors at the new hospital said he didn’t think ecmo was right at this time. The next day Mike was doing worse. They called me to tell me he was going on ventilator and that his kidneys where failing. When I asked about ecmo they still denied it. I didn’t understand because that was why he went there. No matter how much I continued to beg to see him they refused. I was so upset I even thought of taking a gun up there. That’s how crazy I felt but of course I didn’t.

I called everyday at 1030 to talk to the nurse to find out how he was doing. And begged so hard to see him but all I got was a FaceTime. Which was horrendous but me and the kids did it so he could at least hear us and know he wasn’t alone. I did record all of these and recorded the conversation between us and the doctors. I begged for them to try ivermectin.  All I got was it wasn’t protocol. Mike ended up getting continuous dialysis and his liver was failing. After a couple days he had a heart attack. They called me and wanted to know if we wanted car which Mike did not, I asked if I could fucking see him now.

Me and our kids drove so fast to get there before he died. When we got there of course they put us in a room and told us the doom and gloom but we knew. They gave us a hard time about how many could go in with Mike, really 4 children plus his parents. How do you pick which child come on, my sons were angry and punching the wall. They finally let us all in with him. But I saw Mike was already gone. It was just machines keeping his body alive. It made me so angry and broken.

I tried so hard to be there for him and get different medications.  I’m still working for this health care system. It’s important to be there for patients and tell them the truth. I let all families visit. Their rules do not matter to me. Plus I had a man come in with a stroke recovered TPA he improved. But they did test him for covid and he was positive with no symptoms. They were going to give him remdesivir. I spoke to the patient told him the truth and he should refuse it. Which thank God he listened.

I am sure I am missing things it is very hard to get my mind right and the grief has been unbearable at times. I am willing to share my story, videos and recordings if need be.
Thank you, Dawn