Before I can tell you about my husband Bill’s death, I need to tell you a little about his life. He was the light that lit up my world! Sounds corny, but true! Even after only 30 years, we stilled enjoyed each other’s company and did so many wonderful things together, like boating, fishing, traveling, smiling and laughing. Bill was born in Scotland, but moved to the states and was very proud to become a US citizen.

Bill joined the Air Force out of high school and was stationed in Turkey during the Vietnam War. After almost ten years, he was honorably discharged and I met him in southern California.  We had lunch a week later and after a short time I knew he was a very good guy! We were very happily married for almost 30 years! I have so many happy stories of us with my daughter and his! We complemented each other and made ourselves whole.  Bill organized helpful events at the wastewater treatment plant where he was the supervisor of co-generation. Bill would help anyone who he thought needed help, in fact after his death I heard from people that I had no idea of some of the nice things he did to give of his time and talents to help others.  Once he told me that when you take an oath to serve in the Air Force, it is for life. Bill also knew his own mind and I wasn’t going to talk him into something he didn’t believe in, fortunately, both of us were on the same page about not putting some uncharted chemicals into our bodies.  We had agreed that if either of us had to go to the hospital, we were not to tell them we had the shot or not, the supposed “Vax”. He talked me into retiring early from teaching at 60 years old, and said we could spend lunches together! And we did!

Bill loved boating, fishing, owning boats and fishing poles, playing guitar (and had many guitars), golf, soccer, and was very athletic, well more so when he was younger, had so much fun and patience with the grandkids, and was my best friend and confidant. He made me laugh and he made people smile! He was a jokester. He was easy to be around.  He was confident, supportive, creative, loved his family and his daughters, didn’t talk behind people’s backs, was honest, and had integrity.

On Friday, Dec. 3, after talking to the doctor on the phone, we went to an outdoor, stay in your car facility and discovered we both tested positive for Covid-19. Then Bill’s oxygen level kept decreasing.  No one ever told us that we could just get oxygen in our home.  Under a doctor’s strong suggestion, I called an ambulance and Bill was asked which hospital he wanted to go to.  The Veterans Hospital was full. I said St. Agnes, he said no, Clovis Community.  So Clovis Community it was.  I was not allowed to go as I was sick with Covid.  He had a wonderful male nurse who called me to give me updates, and sent my love to Bill for me.  Then on Saturday, the nurse took a photo of Bill and he looked better, still in his same clothes but wearing an oxygen mask.  He was being transferred to a room upstairs the nurse said.  I said, “Well that is good, right?” The nurse said, ”Well it will be a more comfortable bed.”

I discovered after Bill’s death, that he was given 2 doses of Remdesivir on that Friday, Dec. 10, AND 2 doses of Baricitinib, the generic for Remdesivir.

Then as if that wasn’t enough damage to cause him, the hospital administered 2 more doses of Baricitinib the next day, on Saturday, Dec. 11.   He was moved upstairs that day.

I was called at the wee hours of Sunday(?) morning saying he wasn’t going to make it, I called my neighbor to take me to the hospital. I asked the hospital what happened?  I said I was supposed to take him home on Monday, that he was doing better on Friday.  No one called me to say he wasn’t doing well.  I didn’t understand.  I asked if they gave him Ivermectin. (No.)

I was in the elevator and had already pushed the button for Bill’s floor. A Dr. Rodriguez, ER, (according to his white coat name tag), and a women not in a white coat walked into the elevator with me.  The doctor looked right at me and then in a loud voice said to the woman, “Well, we are going to lose everyone on this floor anyway.”  (What???)  They exited the same floor as my husband.  They walked into the room just before his.

When I walked into Bill’s room, he said in a voice I could barely understand, “You are better, and I am worse.” He said he was so thirsty.  He asked for ice chips.  I walked out of his room and asked the nurse for ice chips.  She said he couldn’t have anything.  I asked why.  She said he could choke.  If I knew then what I know know, I would have taken the oxygen mask off and given him some ice chips to comfort him.

I asked the nurse if he had been turned on to his stomach.  I understand that St. Agnes was having good results with proning the patient in this manner.  The nurse rolled her eyes at me and said that would take two people.  I said, “Well, I’m here, let’s do it now.”  She did come in.  I told Bill we were going to roll him onto his stomach and needed his help.  We did roll him onto his stomach and his oxygen level went up!!!  I stayed and his oxygen level remained higher.  I was very thankful.  I left feeling he would be fine.  I did not know they had given him all the poisons.

Then I received a call from Dr. Phan at I think 2:00 a.m.  She was yelling in the phone that my husband wasn’t going to make it and needed to be intubated!!!  I said calm down, he is going to make it and I will be at the hospital in minutes.  She replied that I wasn’t going to get there in time!  I asked where are you calling me from?  She said she was calling from my husband’s room!!!  I said to get out of his room, how upsetting to him this must be, and how unprofessional on her part! I said I was on my way to the hospital.

When I arrived outside my husband’s room, I asked if Dr. Phan was there.  They said no.  I said good, because she is not allowed in my husband’s room again without me being there.  A doctor of infectious disease was there and she put her hand kindly on my shoulder.  I said it was extremely unprofessional to be calling from my husband’s room and to be using that tone of voice.

I walked into my husband’s room.  I have never, ever seen my husband so upset.  His eyes were wild.  I hugged him and asked him to calm down, I said the doctor was crazy.  He did not calm down and said he needed to be intubated.  I said no, let’s relax.  I tried to get him to take his medication for his PTSD and he said no.  I just hugged him and stayed like that for a while.  When I looked up, his eyes were still wide and agitated.  I said we would talk in the morning. I prayed all night.

The next morning , Dec. 14, 2021, Bill said he wanted to be intubated.  I said it was like being put out, and he said it was ok.  I told him he had to agree to come back and be okay. They wheeled him down to ICU and he was intubated.  It was horrible.  I asked if they would give him Ivermectin. I think that is the first time someone said Bill had been given Remdesivir. That day is a blur. I stayed until they told me to go.

I was told his kidneys and liver were shutting down.  I said how can this be?  He has never had kidney or liver problems.  He just needed oxygen!

I came in the next day and stayed.  They never told me to go. During these visits I talked with Bill.  I rubbed his arms, his legs, his cheeks.  I kissed him.  I prayed with him and for him. I sang to him, played music on my phone for him.  I played the last song he was playing on the guitar thinking that would relax him.  I told him of things we had done and things he still wanted to do.  I said yes, buy that motorhome you want and let’s go!  Just get better and come home.

I asked nurse Irina again to please give my husband Ivermectin.  We were inside Bill’s ICU room, and she still looked warily around then turned away from the glass walls and softly said, “Diane, I can’t even get Ivermectin or I will be fired.”

The next couple of days I did the same thing, touching, talking, praying, singing, playing music.  I wanted him to know or feel I was there on his side…

Bill was looking terrible.  He was all bloated.  Still cute to me, but his chest and neck and face were swollen.  At some point the doctor said he could try to relieve some of the pressure in Bill’s lungs by poking a hole in his chest, a blowhole.  I said I could help and we did the procedure.  It unfortunately didn’t really help.

I brought treats for Dr. Goebel and nurse Irina because they were taking good care of Bill.  I still thought he was coming home.

On Thursday they told me to call anyone to say goodbyes to Bill. ????? I stayed all day doing the talking, singing, praying, playing music….I had been calling the church since Monday to have a priest come pray with Bill.

On Friday, Dec. 17, 2021, they said he wouldn’t make it through the night.  I watched my beautiful husband have 3 heart attacks.  After the 3rd one, Dr. Goebel said Bill would never be the same even if he pulled through.  They pulled his plugs and he passed.  I stayed as long as they let me, another hour…The hospital chaplin was very kind. Dr. Goebel and nurse Irina were wonderful.  I wish Bill had met them first before the other doctor and the poisons they administered.

Our daughter had a baby girl April 3, 2022. Bill wasn’t there.

He wasn’t at his grandbaby’s baptism. My grandkids, daughter and son-in-law, and friends all talk about how much they miss him.

He held my hand the best of anyone!

This affects the lives of so many.  He is missed as a dad, a husband, a grandpa, a brother, an uncle and a friend to many.

I have proven that the time you spend in love with someone is never enough time! Who knew “forever” would be cut so short.

Because of the ER doctor saying they would lose all the patients on my husband’s floor, one of the questions I did ask the CA Dept of Public Health to check on was if the patients on my husband’s floor were all “unvaxed”?  I have not heard back as of this date.