I live in Laurel, Mississippi.  Some people wanted my story about my Mom.  Dealing with the shutdowns was hard enough, but not being able to see my mom and make sure she was taken care of in the nursing home just killed my soul. 

She was an incomplete quadriplegic.  She could NOT do anything for herself….she was TOTALLY dependent on someone else.  Please keep in mind (or put yourself in her shoes)…your head itches, you can’t scratch it.  Your nose itches, you can’t scratch it. Your ears need to be cleaned with a q-tip, but the nursing home isn’t allowed to do that.  Imagine that you can’t shift your weight, but you can feel the pressure burning.  (I have a neglect case with the nursing home.   Went to court March 2023, for the judge to sign off on the paperwork.   A week later, I get a letter from Medicare wanting some of their part back, which is just another slap in my face!!!   I’m still waiting on the settlement).  

Linda’s Story

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My mom, Linda, was in really good health for her age of 71.   She only took meds for arthritis, high blood pressure, and depression.   She never had any serious health problems such as cancer, diabetes or heart issues.   July 12, 2019, at around 5 pm, my mom was working in her flowerbed.   I had just been outside and walked out again about 10 min later.   I found my mom lying on the ground (on her stomach) and she was not moving.  I thought she was dead because her head was turned away from me.  I ran to her and she said she couldn’t move her arms or legs.  I called 911.  She spent a week in ICU for the swelling to go down so she could have neck surgery.   

We didn’t know she had a piece of bone growing into her spinal cord and when she fell (she tripped over a water hose and fell on the rake handle she had in her hand), the piece of bone partially ripped her spinal cord.  This made her an “incomplete quadriplegic”.  An incomplete quad still has feeling in their legs and can move their arms, but the hands are closed (you cannot use your fingers).   A regular quadriplegic (where the whole spinal cord has been cut) has NO feeling from the neck down.  *Remember this for later*

She came home from the hospital in September 2019.   I had to learn a lot because I was her caretaker.   From shifting her to help the pressure point and checking her diaper because she didn’t know if she had gone to the bathroom.  It was like taking care of a baby, except she was an adult.   She also developed anxiety very badly.  She had never had it until that happened to her.   I’ve had anxiety and panic attacks since I was a teen, and she apologized to me for not being able to understand what I was dealing with (after the accident).  We were usually at the ER once or twice a month for UTI’s which as time went by, the oral antibiotics didn’t do the job.   She had to have IV antibiotics to clear it up. 

January 2020, mom went septic on me at home.  She declined sooo fast in just 2 hours.  I called 911 to take her to the ER.  I didn’t know that night that when she left she would not be coming back home.  This was my first experience with sepsis.  I knew something about this trip was not like all the other times.  They admitted her into ICU.  The doctor told me she was very sick and they did not know if she would make it.  She was on life support for 3 days.  She pulled through and didn’t remember anything.  

When she was discharged from the hospital, she went to a swing bed and I needed the rest.  After being there 2 weeks (it was now February 2020), I knew I couldn’t do it anymore.  I was the only person taking care of her and I was sooo exhausted.   It literally broke my heart because my mom was my best friend. 

All this time, her anxiety was really bad.  Even though she had the medication for it, she was just very SCARED.  She was at everyone’s mercy.  She didn’t like me to be away from her, and there had been some problems with some of the aids.  

After being there 2 weeks, she developed a “bruise”.  They couldn’t tell me how she got it.  Since I was new to all of this I didn’t know it was the start of a bedsore.  

April 2020 rolls around and everything gets shut down because of COVID-19.   Mom was still in and out of the hospital.  She couldn’t call me to tell me things (she never knew what all was going on because the infection messed with her mind) and the nurses/doctors didn’t keep me updated like they should.  I wasn’t told of the meds they put her on.  It was a hassle of having to call the hospital, then being transferred to the nurses’ station and if the nurse was even able to talk to me at that time.  I usually had to wait for them to call me back.   It’s different when you can see and talk to the doctor IN PERSON!!!

May 2020, she was transported back to the ER and admitted into the ICU and was unresponsive (no life support).  I went to the hospital and was told that I couldn’t see her.  Even though I had Power Of Attorney over her, that did not matter!   The nurse was so uncaring and said that if she went “south,” they would let me know.

During the shutdown in April & May, my mom needed a couple of procedures done.  One was debriding her bedsore.  They would not send me pictures.  I was told to call the wound care nurse at the hospital, and when I asked her how big it was, she said “Who told you to call me?”   I told her if y’all won’t let me in there to see her, I have a right to know the size.  She said she would get back with me later.  She didn’t call me so I called her back.  She told me I need to speak to Doctor “So in so”.   I found it as odd, but whatever.  The doctor on the shift returned my call, and said, “I don’t know why she told you to call me.”   I told him she is passing the buck because she doesn’t want to deal with it!   I finally got measurements, but they would not send me pics because of HIPPA.   Now, they had to put in a suprapubic catheter and debride that bedsore twice.   Each time they called me from the hospital for permission to do surgery, but never verified that I was even her daughter. 

There were some rooms at the hospital that did not have a call light in them.  My mom could bump it if she needed somebody or needed turning.  I was not there to make sure she had what she needed.  

My mom was in the hospital a lot between April and May of 2020.  I hadn’t seen her in a few weeks.  I called the nurses station to check on her.  The nurses station put me on hold.  I waited and waited, then a lady came back on the phone and said, “Yes ma’am, you can come up here.”  I was caught off guard and said Huh? You mean I can come up there (to the hospital)?”  The nurse realized she had picked up the wrong line.  I was so pissed because they would let someone else come to the hospital but not me.

June 4, 2020 I received a call that she was sent back to the ER.  Instead of calling the hospital to be told no I couldn’t see her, I just went in case they would let me in.  Thank God, they let me in.  My poor mama looked sooo bad.  The nursing home she was in had not taken care of her.  She had more bedsores than what I had been told.  It was horrible!!!  Her teeth hadn’t been brushed in weeks…I was probably the last person to brush them 8-9 weeks ago.   (I’m a former dental assistant so I had a good idea).  It was heartbreaking.  She had bedsores on both heels.  I tore the bandages off her feet with my truck keys.  I said, “Mama I’m so sorry if I am hurting you, but I have got to get pictures of what I can because I didn’t know if they would come in and tell me to leave.”  She was coughing and had rattling in her lungs.  The doctor called me out of the room, and she knew mom had a living will, but not a DNR.  I honestly think that was the only reason they let me in was because of her not having a DNR.  

 They were admitting her into the ICU unit to keep an eye on her.  This was on a Thursday and on the following Sunday, I called ICU to check on her.  They said she has been moved to the 3rd floor.  Everybody knew that was the COVID-19 floor.  I asked if she had Covid, and they said I would have to call the nurses station.  I finally talked to one of the nurses who confirmed my mom had COVID-19.  NO ONE TOLD ME!!!!   A doctor called me back the next day and I told him I wasn’t told my mom had Covid and I had been exposed.  The ICU didn’t do their job to tell me.  In this same conversation I had to lie to the doctor because my brother needed to see our mom, because they needed to make amends on things (even though they had made amends).  He needed to see her and they did let him in.  By that time, she was in really bad shape.  I don’t know if she was even aware he was there.  Mama passed away at 10:25 a.m. on June 10, 2020, ALONE.

While she was in the hospital, an aide at the nursing home stole and sold her cellphone.  I was compensated for it but the aide was never held accountable (I went through the attorney general’s office).  The only thing I finally got back from the nursing home was her television.  They couldn’t find the rest of her things.  Another blow was when the funeral home called me and told me the nursing home wasn’t taking any precautions.  How would anyone know since they wouldn’t allow anyone else in?  I don’t know what all my mom endured all because she was held hostage from me and she was scared to death.  OUR LOVED ONES SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD TO DIE ALONE!!!