My husband, Brad, had gotten sick several days before our nightmare began.  He finally said he felt like he couldn’t breathe and I took him to his doctor. He was given Ivermectin, however, the doctor was out of town and the PA prescribed it. She gave him a very small dose. We didn’t realize at the time that it wasn’t enough.

Over the next few days, he became worse. I took him back to the doctor, and they put him on oxygen. We came home with a oxygen machine. The next day, we went back to the doctor again. They gave him an antibiotic and a breathing treatment. We came home with a breathing machine. The next day, which was Friday, he decided he needed to go to the hospital. I begged him to let’s try something else because we had both said if we got sick we would not go to the hospital.

So, reluctantly, I drove him and his oxygen tank to the hospital. This was Friday, September  10, 2021.  And this is when the real nightmare began. You were not allowed to go into the emergency room unless you were sick. So I was not allowed. The man at the door said to me, you can go home or go park after you fill out the paperwork. But someone will call you later and let you know what’s going on. I parked and went back to the emergency room door, and my husband was already gone. They had taken him somewhere. So I went home and waited. I called and texted him several times and was not able to get in touch with him.

Later that evening I got a call from a doctor that said Brad was in ICU.  He had covid pneumonia. I would not be able to go see him but he was a very sick man. And it didn’t look good.  I already felt that they were doing something nefarious.

I finally got a text from Brad that night. They had him on a high flow oxygen machine and were giving antibiotics and several other things I can’t recall at the moment. But he said, “have they told you something they haven’t told me?” I said, what are you talking about? He said, ” They keep telling me I’m not going to make it.”

Saturday morning the doctor called me for the daily report. I asked him what they were giving Brad. The very first thing he said was Remdesivir. I stopped him immediately and told him I wanted them to take him off of that right then. He said Okay, okay. I also asked if they would give him IV vitamins. He said they couldn’t because they didn’t have any. I said I knew where I could get them. I would be happy to get them and bring them to the hospital. He was like, oh no, that’s not our protocol, you can’t do that. They gave him a small dose of vitamins for a few days. It didn’t matter what I wanted or asked for because it wasn’t their protocol. They had already put him on something for anxiety and were giving him Ensure. (which is nothing but chemicals and sugar!) Saturday evening I had not heard a word from the doctors so I called the ICU. Brad’s nurse, Malcolm, answered. He said you can’t call here because we are so busy. I will call you when I have time. So so rude. And all I could think about was how this man was treating my husband. I texted Brad later and he confirmed that Malcolm had treated him badly.  I asked to have him removed from being Brad’s nurse. I found out he was a traveling nurse.

Sunday, Brad became worse, they gave him more meds. To my knowledge, he had not had any food since he had been there. The doctor called and said nothing new to report, but things were still really bad and he was not going to make it.

We knew someone that worked at the hospital, and because they wouldn’t let me visit or advocate for Brad, our friend visited him and face-timed me so we could see each other and talk for a few mins.  But even this friend, was very negative about Brad’s recovery, even to Brad. No encouragement at all.

Monday, things were even worse. The doctor gave absolutely no hope at all. I was trying to stay positive for Brad and encourage him.  They seemed to be happy to mock me because I said God was bigger than this. They even wrote about it in Brad’s medical records.

Tuesday, Brad was feeling much better. They gave him pancakes and syrup for breakfast. Which to me seemed ridiculous because why would you give a patient that had pneumonia tons of sugar.  I got several calls about Brad being released from the hospital on Friday. I finally felt like I could take a deep breath. brad called me Tuesday and we had a great conversation.

Then in the middle of the night, things started going downhill. (I now understand that is typical of remdesivir…usually the 5th day it starts shutting things down. I did not find out till after Brad died that they never took him off of remdesivir and several anxiety drugs as well )

I received a call from the doctor around 3 am on Wednesday morning saying Brad was actively dying.  I drove to the hospital and do not remember driving there. I remember driving around the hospital parking deck many times because I had no idea where to go. No one told me anything about where I needed to go. I finally stopped and just started walking, trying to find the entrance. Once I got in the hospital, there was a “station” you couldn’t pass until they asked a lot of questions. Then, they had you wear one of their masks and they had to escort you upstairs to ICU.

I finally made it to see my husband laying in ICU with all kinds of things attached to him. They had signs up everywhere that said you could not take pictures or videos. One thing I noticed at the start was all the wrist bands, temperature bands, all things attached to him had the word covidien written on them. Interesting.  There were at least 10 cans of Ensure sitting all over the room. I remember giving him water so many times. Right in front of his bed in huge letters they had written “COMFORT CARE” on a large white board. So he could see that at all times.

I was allowed to stay an hour and only because he was dying. Then I had to leave but I could come back in a few hours. I went back and forth all day Wednesday.

I  tried to get him out of that hospital on Wednesday. I had a holistic doctor helping me. But I couldn’t find a home health care place that had a high flow oxygen machine, and by the time I got to see Brad, he wasn’t physically able to take the Ivermectin I had bought with me to give him.

Thursday, September 16, 2021, was family day in ICU. Although I don’t remember seeing but one other patient in ICU the days I was allowed to go.  On family day, we had to wear a mask, a face shield, gloves and gown.  The other times I had to wear a mask, gloves and gown.

I arrived about 5 mins late because of traffic and I was really struggling myself. The ladies that were at the station as you come in, were not going to let me go up because I was late.  Then Brad started texting me, asking me to hurry. He said I need you, please hurry. He just kept texting and they just kept saying you can’t go. All I remember about this time was sweat pouring down my back and I was pacing the floor praying. I have no clue how long I was there. There was an entire group of workers, standing together just staring at me.  I finally got myself together and called the ICU and one the admin. came down and took me upstairs. ( One of the few nice people I came in contact with)

Brad was not himself…I could tell they had turned the oxygen down.  They were also giving him morphine. (Which I had also asked they didn’t give him. Their response was, that’s not our protocol.) I was holding his hand and a nurse came in to ask him a question and he said, my wife is on the way, I’ll ask her when she gets here. I had been there a while…It was so difficult to watch my husband getting weaker and weaker. The doctor came in and was talking to me. At that point I was asking if we could try various things and I ended asking about Ivermectin. That doctor said, Oh no…he might have some kind of reaction to it. It hasn’t been tested enough. I was so upset with him! I thought, you just said he was dying so what if he has a reaction to it? It was truly like they were just waiting for him to die.

I went back and forth to the hospital all day. In the afternoon, our daughter went with me, and later that evening our son flew in. They were both in disbelief as to what he had been going there.

Brad was gasping for air already. His body was shutting down. It was hard to handle. Our son asked if they could vent him to let his body rest.  I knew it wasn’t going to be very long and he was suffering so much not being able to breath. Brad agreed to let them vent him. I also knew what was getting ready to happen….I tried not to think about it and maybe it would rest his body. But I also knew what the things they were giving him had already done to his body. However, I think what shocked me was when we said yes to the vent, how they jumped on him immediately. One was on top of him and others were on the sides. We barely were able to say bye because they told us we had to leave.  We did tell him we loved him and we would see him soon. We had just pulled out of the parking deck when they called and said they had gotten the vent in but he had a cardiac arrest.  He passed around 8:45 pm September 16, 2021.

I am thankful in many ways that he didn’t lay there for hours and struggle to breathe. I replay that entire week over and over in my head. I think about things I wish I had done and how I should have stood my ground about taking him to the hospital. How we knew what hospitals were doing. I think about how helpless families were because we had no voice. Patients had no voice.  I tried so hard to get him out.  It was a nightmare that I can’t wake from. I miss him so much.

NO one should have had to go this!